Church Bulletins
(maybe authentic/maybe not --- maybe funny/maybe not)


  • During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.


  • The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."


  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.


  • Smile at someone who is hard to love.
    Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.


  • Don't let worry kill you off -let the Church help.


  • Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
    So ends a friendship that began in their school days.


  • A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
    Music will follow.


  • At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
    Come early and listen to our choir practice.


  • Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.


  • The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.


  • Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled.
    Proceeds will be used to cripple children.


  • For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.


  • Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.


  • Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.


  • The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.


  • Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM.-prayer and medication to follow.


  • The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
    They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.


  • This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church.
    Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.


  • Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10.
    All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.


  • The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.


  • Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.
    Please use the back door


  • The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
    The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.


  • Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
    Please use large double-door at the side entrance.


  • The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."


  • Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High.


  • Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine.
    Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.


  • Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference:
    "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."


  • Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall.
    Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.


  • Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.


  • "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
    Don't forget your husbands."


  • Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'.
    Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.


  • The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.


  • The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water'
    The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus!'


  • Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
    They need all the help they can get.


  • Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions.
    She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.


These came in a group e-mailing and I cannot credit the original source