| Agnosticism | Maybe doo-doo happens, maybe it doesn't |
| Atheism | No Doo-doo |
| Buddhism | If doo-doo happens, it's not really doo-doo. |
| Catholicism | Doo-doo happens because you've been bad |
| Christian Science | The doo-doo is in your mind |
| Confucism | Doo-doo happens when you don't honor your ancestors |
| Existentialism | What is doo-doo anyway? |
| Hare Krishna | Doo-doo happens. Rama Rama. |
| Hedonism | There's nothing like good doo-doo happening |
| Hinduism | This doo-doo happened before |
| Islam | If doo-doo happens, it's the will of Allah |
| Janism | The doo-doo is sacred. Don't step in it. |
| Jehovah Witness | Knock. Knock. Doo-doo happens. |
| Judaism | Why does this doo-doo always happen to us? |
| Protestantism | Doo-doo happens because you don't work hard enough |
| Puritanism | Doo-doo happens so burn the witch |
| Rastifarianism | Let's smoke this doo-doo. |
| Stoicism | The doo-doo doesn't bother me. |
| TV Evangelism | Send us your doo-doo |
| Taoism | Doo-doo happens |
| Zen | Just in this moment doo-doo is happening |